I wish I had been more prepared for grief…and I am simultaneously thankful that I had no experience with the level that I would be in. Grief is a club that nobody wants to be a part of, but EVERYONE will someday join.
My sweet friend of almost 30 years lost her 3-year-long battle with terminal brain cancer on March 10th. She left behind 2 beautiful girls (young adults) who had recently also lost their father. My heart was broken. It didn’t seem fair. It didn’t seem right. I still struggle with this reality. But I do trust in God’s timing. When she passed, I was grateful. I was relieved. She was no longer suffering. Because to watch someone you love struggle is beyond painful.
Mixed into that sadness and relief is guilt. Why am I still here? Why do I get to be there for my kids when my friend cannot? And then I remember that EVERY SINGLE DAY since she’s been gone, I have seen her. I will find a card she wrote me, my eyes will rest on a gift she gave me. Someone will speak her name to me. Someone will share a picture of her…and she’s right here with me…except she’s not. She’s gone. She is not lost. I know where she is. But I still long for one of her tight hugs.
I was recently thinking about the shortest verse in the Bible. Jesus wept. John 11:35. While it is in fact the shortest Bible verse, it says so much. Jesus who was the savior to the world, and knew everything, also felt emotions. When He learned of his friend Lazarus’ death, he traveled to the tomb where he was buried. He met his friend Martha on the way, and then her sister Mary came out. I imagine they were heartbroken, angry, and sad. They knew Jesus could have saved their brother. Jesus took a moment to be sad with them. He wept. He then proceeded to raise Lazarus from the dead. He knew that Lazarus wasn’t gone forever, that he would see him very soon, yet he took the time to grieve and cry.
I’m not sure if this was Him being empathetic to Mary and Martha or if it was a moment of sadness. Romans 12:15 says that love in action is to be joyful with those who are joyful and mourn with those who mourn. I find great comfort in knowing that even though I know where my friend is, and that, I will see her again, that it is OK to cry. Because Jesus modeled that for us.
It saddens me that our culture isn’t better about the grief process. We are expected to get over it and move on. I am trying to change that. Shortly after my friend passed, my beloved Grandmother passed. IT WAS HARD. I felt like I hadn’t really had a chance to come up for air with my friend, and then another death. It was not quite the same, my grandma was 94, but there were a lot of similarities.
I soldiered on for the kids at work. I had kept my friend’s death from them, even though they had prayed for her when she was sick. They had even visited her. On some very wise advice from a couple of friends, I shared my sadness with the kids. Because if we can’t model what sadness and grief looks like, they won’t know what to do when they are inevitably faced with it. And I am thankful for the model from Jesus. Contrary to everything our culture tells us….It is ok to cry!